I got a call from a close friend today. She was crying when she called. She was having a breakdown because she was having a bad day at work. She was stressing out about her job and as she was telling me everything that had her upset it struck me that she is taking on, and taking personally, things that have absolutely nothing to do with her.
Once she paused talking, the first thing I asked her was why she was taking it so personally? Who cares if they don’t want to do things the way they “should” be done or the “right” way? Is the job still getting done? Are they still accomplishing the task? She’s not their boss, its up to HER boss to make them do things differently – and if her BOSS doesn’t care – why does she care so much?
This friend obviously cares a lot – and that’s a GREAT thing! But sometimes she cares to the determent of her own well being. She moved to my city 2-years ago from her hometown about 2000 miles away. She was born, raised and spent her entire 40-something years there and was questioning if she did the right thing by moving here.
My advice to her was to think about her “Why”. There was a reason she and her family chose to leave their hometown and come here. What was that reason? And is that part of her life better for it? She admitted that it was, albeit reluctantly. So then I advised her to try not to take things so personally, especially if at the end of the day it really doesn’t affect her life one way or the other. She was much more calm and happy by the time we hung up.
It makes me feel good that my friends will call me to talk some sense into them. And it’s really great when they actually listen :o) It’s things like this that fuel me to continue down this path of the Podcast and motivational speaking!

The point of this blog post is two things:

1. Try not to take things, especially at work, personally. If someone doesn’t like the way the software works, for example, it’s not your fault. Did you write the software? Did you design the process? If not, you can’t take that personally. If you did, then take it as constructive criticism. People will feel some type of way about something and just take it out on others – it doesn’t mean they don’t like you or blame you. So don’t take that blame upon yourself. Just listen, and set boundaries so they know what they are doing and what is acceptable and what is not. I would actually say (and have actually said) “I didn’t write the software. I agree, it’s dumb that it won’t do that, but it is what it is. I’m just here to tell you how it works.” This will hopefully let them see that it’s not you, that they are misdirecting their anger and diffuse the situation. Maybe next time they will think about that and be a little more kind.
2. Always come back to your “Why”. Maybe your “why” was well thought out and good. Maybe there isn’t a “why” and that can tell you a lot too! If there is a “why”, give that some thought – is your current situation a) satisfying that why? b) still relevant? c) worth what’s happening now? The answers to these questions can help you calm down and think rationally. When we’re in the moment and feeling all of the emotions it is easy to get caught up in that and not be rational. But you must be rational to make good decisions. If you don’t even have a “why” maybe something in your situation needs to change. Come up with a why and course correct!