My Gastric Surgery journey

Stand Up, Speak Out & Reclaim Your Power in the Workplace

Stand Up, Speak Out & Reclaim Your Power in the Workplace

If you’re not sure how to do that, my next guest Kimberly Williams can help. Kimberly, as many people are, was thrust into HR work almost against her will. But her background as a high school history teacher provided a great framework for her new task. Working for the US State Dept. gave her the appreciation for the career that she now loves.

However; it was the difficulty she saw many people have after being bullied in the workplace that truly grabbed her attention, and cultivated her desire to help do something about this loophole in the law.

After moving to the private sector and working for corporate America, Kimberly herself became the victim of this abuse. Time after time, these bullies got away with their behavior with the defence that they aren’t targeting any one person, or protected class, they are just mean to everyone – therefore, it’s ok.

Well, Kimberly and I are here to tell you it is not OK. And Kimberly is actually taking action to close the loophole and make workplaces safer. As the spokesperson for End Workplace Abuse, she and many others are working diligently to pass the Workplace Psychological Safety Act, currently in MA and hopefully in every state across the US.

This work is important!

On the website workplacepsychologicalsafetyact.org, they state “The number of employment discrimination filings doubled in the 1990s, from 10,000 in 1991 to 23,735 in 1998, decreasing to 13,831 in 2014, with race and gender topping the reasons for lawsuits (Berrey et al., 2023). But only a small percentage of targets file legal claims. “About four-in-ten working women (42 percent) in the United States say they have faced discrimination on the job because of their gender” and “about one in four Black (24 percent) and Hispanic employees (24 percent) in the U.S. report having been discriminated against at work in the past year” (Parker & Funk, 2020; Lloyd, 2022).” Additionally “in 2008 toxic workplaces cost organizations over $16 Billion in related healthcare costs.” Imagine what that number is today! It really is bad for business!\

So why is it still happening? Because they get away with it and because it is so hard for victims (ne Survivors) of this abuse to actually win a case. Often the victim is blamed, shamed or accused of lying. The burden of proof lies on them. Even though it is known that coming forward is going to cause even more mental harm. It doesn’t make much sense.

So listen to this episode to find out what Kimberly is doing, learn ways to protect yourself, and if you’re dealing with workplace abuse you can learn practical ways to document and present your case to ensure you are heard.

Here are some additional resources:

Connect with Kimberly directly on LInkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-e-williams/

Learn more about the End Workplace Abuse movement – www.endworkplaceabuse.com

Support the act – https://workplacepsychologicalsafetyact.org/

The Other Side of the Gun

In a recent podcast episode, I had the privilege of speaking with Susan Snow, the daughter of an LAPD detective whose life was tragically taken in a Halloween ambush back in 1985. The harrowing incident unfolded while he was picking up his 6-year-old son from school, and the boy was a witness to the horrifying event. It was an act of sheer bravery on his part that saved his son’s life.

Listen to the podcast episode

At the time, Susan, then known as Susan Williams, was just 17 and already grappling with a tumultuous relationship with her mother. Her story, however, is one of resilience, healing, and a profound journey toward self-discovery that unfolded over many years.

Susan’s path to healing was far from linear. Her initial experience with therapy left her feeling failed and disheartened. But here’s the crucial message she brings: don’t let one negative experience deter you from seeking help. It did hold her back for a considerable period, but eventually, with the assistance of another therapist many years later, Susan found the support she needed to heal.

Her healing journey, so powerfully documented in her book “The Other Side of the Gun,” has brought her to a place where she now shares her story through speaking engagements. What’s even more remarkable is her goal to speak on a stage in front of 10,000 people. This aspiration isn’t about seeking attention; it’s a passionate desire to spread the message of happiness and the possibility of living an incredible life, regardless of past traumas.

Susan understands the yearning to share the light of hope and happiness with others who may be suffering. It’s a calling that arises from a deep place of empathy and a sincere belief that no one has to remain trapped in darkness.

Of course, Susan acknowledges that this journey isn’t easy. It demands unwavering commitment and hard work. But as the burdens of the past are gradually shed, it becomes a liberating and, in many ways, an addictive process. The need to share that newfound light and hope becomes an overwhelming driving force.

So, yes, Susan’s journey resonates deeply with so many who have experienced their own trials and tribulations. Her story is a testament to the human capacity for transformation, and it’s an inspiration to all of us who seek to help others find their way to the other side of pain and suffering.

I had the honor of meeting Susan in person, along with Amanda Blackwood, a courageous survivor of Human Trafficking. While the details are still taking shape, the three of us are joining forces, reaching out to our network, and seeking support from kind-hearted individuals to organize a meaningful event. Perhaps, with determination, we might even reach that ambitious goal of gathering 10,000 people someday.

If you fail, they fall

I have had the privilege lately of interviewing some pretty inspiring people who have lived through very rough things; from human trafficking, abusive parents, alcoholism, drug addition and more. I have these people on the Podcast to tell their stories and how they overcame to inspire others, but what is happening is they are inspiring ME! It is such an unexpected side-effect of doing this podcast. And I get to be inspired at least 3 times; first, when doing the recording, second when editing and a third time when I listen to the published version. I may even go back and listen to the episode a second or third time after it is published too. Not because I love hearing myself talk, I swear!

Sterling Walker with @sterl_fitness has been one of my most favorite guests so-far. He is so young, yet so wise! I wish I had his determination and attitude at 25! But I also am glad I didn’t have to endure the things he did in order to have that attitude.

To hear him talk about his life in the beginning, it doesn’t sound so bad. It sounds better than my childhood at first, at least he had a mom and a dad at home. At least he was involved in something (wrestling) in high school, and graduated. At least he got to go to college right out of high school. But we quickly realize, his childhood wasn’t that great after all. I wonder how many people on the outside looking in thought he had a great home-life too. It is just another example of how you really never know what is going on behind closed doors.

Sterling says it was his late grandmother who gave him the strength he has today. She must have been one amazing and tough woman because he sure has a lot of strength.

After figuring out Wrestling really wasn’t his passion, it was his father’s, he realized fitness is his true passion. So he’s set out on a mission to inspire others and help people with their fitness, but honestly, he can inspire people in so many other ways too. He inspired me to hit the gym the day we did the recording, and he hadn’t even talked to me yet. And after completing the editing I’m now inspired to get up and meditate and set my intentions in the morning before I start my day. He didn’t even say in so many words to do that, and I’m not sure if he even does that himself, but he did say something. He said you have to get up in the morning and take care of yourself. Its the whole concept of putting on your oxygen mask before helping others. And that is so important for us all to remember. We have to take care of ourselves before we can really do a good job taking care of others.

I titled this blogpost “If you fail, they fall” because it is these words that truly hit home with Sterling when he had to take in his younger brother and sister after child protective services removed them from their parent’s home due to an abusive father. Wes Walker, Sterlings mentor, said these words to him and Sterling took them to heart and they have been his mantra ever since. Sterling really impressed me with how he took little nuggets from different people all through his life and really learned what they meant, and applied them to his life in his own, unique, way.

Check out Sterling’s Instagram (@sterl_fitness) if you’re ready for some “tell-it-like-it-is” advise, tough love and a lot of colorful language 🙂

Know Your Worth

My latest episode features my good friend Joy, who is excellent with job negotiations and understanding what she’s worth to an employer. She’s not afraid to ask for what she wants and knows how to determine what is fair.

As women especially we are not good at asking for more money or other benefits when we are negotiating for a job. I know I am horrible at quantifying my qualifications on a resume. I, thankfully I suppose, don’t have a lot of experience in this area of applying for a job where they don’t already know what I bring to the table. So I asked Joy to come on and give us some tips and tricks.

My favorite thing she said is that when she was in her 20’s and interviewing for a job she just decided to ask for $500 more than the original offer – and they accepted. To her that was a huge deal, to the company I can imagine it was pennies. But the fact that she counter-offered, and they accepted, was an eye opener for her. And she’s done that ever since. It built up her confidence.

She also recommends using a service to help craft your resume or CV (a curriculum vitae). In today’s world of online applications, it is important to craft your resume to work well not only for the job or career feild your’e in, but also with the website’s algorithm so you have the correct keywords and formatting. Not to mention, they are PROS at helping you articulate and quantify your accomplishments and define what exactly you bring to the table.

It also helps if you are clear in your own head of what it is you want. And have a good understanding of what the salary range is for your chosen career and job title, and in your specific market. In today’s world of remtoe work, the market may not seem as important, but compare where you live to where the company is physically located. Typically, where they are located will dictate the salary range. Linked In or Glassdoor are great resources for this.

For more tips, make sure to tune in to Episode 13 (or Episode 1 of Season 2) Joy – Knowing Your Worth today!

Self Awareness – Taking a Look in the Mirror

I truly believe that a huge part of overcoming obstacles and becomming successful has to do with being self aware. And to me, self awareness is looking in the mirror and calling yourself out on your own bullshit; much in the same way you would call someone else out on theirs.

In therapy you are often asked how you feel about something and WHY you think you might feel that way. This is self awareness. I often feel a certain type of way about things and I will stop and ask myself why I feel that way. Then, I have to be honest with myself about that answer.

For example; there is a creator on TikTok that annoys the crap out of me. She seems nice enough – has a friendly face, isn’t negative or demeaning to anyone and I honestly have no reason not to like her. So why then do I get so annoyed everytime she pops up on my feed? We are even friends on there! I don’t know for sure, but I think it might be jealousy. But that isn’t the point here. The point is that I’m asking myself “why?” and honestly trying to figure it out.

Another example – again a real-life one for me – is being upset with someone because they don’t call you enough, or comment on your Facebook posts enough or text you enough, but you haven’t reached out to them either! This is literally something that I realized about myself and a particular person in my life. Thankfully I never said anything to this person – or anyone – about it, but I realized I haven’t attempted to make the effort either. Why is it all on them?

The bottom line is I encourage you to think about your own behaviours before you criticize or blame others. Call yourself out on your bullshit. Figure out why you want to criticize in the first place. Is there a genuine reason you feel that way or is it something within yourself that is really the problem? Sometimes it is them… but usually it is not. So having the ability to recognize these things in ourselves is the first step to changing that behavior.

Stop Taking Everything Personally And Remember Your “Why”

I got a call from a close friend today. She was crying when she called. She was having a breakdown because she was having a bad day at work. She was stressing out about her job and as she was telling me everything that had her upset it struck me that she is taking on, and taking personally, things that have absolutely nothing to do with her.
Once she paused talking, the first thing I asked her was why she was taking it so personally? Who cares if they don’t want to do things the way they “should” be done or the “right” way? Is the job still getting done? Are they still accomplishing the task? She’s not their boss, its up to HER boss to make them do things differently – and if her BOSS doesn’t care – why does she care so much?
This friend obviously cares a lot – and that’s a GREAT thing! But sometimes she cares to the determent of her own well being. She moved to my city 2-years ago from her hometown about 2000 miles away. She was born, raised and spent her entire 40-something years there and was questioning if she did the right thing by moving here.
My advice to her was to think about her “Why”. There was a reason she and her family chose to leave their hometown and come here. What was that reason? And is that part of her life better for it? She admitted that it was, albeit reluctantly. So then I advised her to try not to take things so personally, especially if at the end of the day it really doesn’t affect her life one way or the other. She was much more calm and happy by the time we hung up.
It makes me feel good that my friends will call me to talk some sense into them. And it’s really great when they actually listen :o) It’s things like this that fuel me to continue down this path of the Podcast and motivational speaking!

The point of this blog post is two things:

Try not to take things, especially at work, personally. If someone doesn’t like the way the software works, for example, it’s not your fault. Did you write the software? Did you design the process? If not, you can’t take that personally. If you did, then take it as constructive criticism. People will feel some type of way about something and just take it out on others – it doesn’t mean they don’t like you or blame you. So don’t take that blame upon yourself. Just listen, and set boundaries so they know what they are doing and what is acceptable and what is not. I would actually say (and have actually said) “I didn’t write the software. I agree, it’s dumb that it won’t do that, but it is what it is. I’m just here to tell you how it works.” This will hopefully let them see that it’s not you, that they are misdirecting their anger and diffuse the situation. Maybe next time they will think about that and be a little more kind.
Always come back to your “Why”. Maybe your “why” was well thought out and good. Maybe there isn’t a “why” and that can tell you a lot too! If there is a “why”, give that some thought – is your current situation a) satisfying that why? b) still relevant? c) worth what’s happening now? The answers to these questions can help you calm down and think rationally. When we’re in the moment and feeling all of the emotions it is easy to get caught up in that and not be rational. But you must be rational to make good decisions. If you don’t even have a “why” maybe something in your situation needs to change. Come up with a why and course correct!

How Your Locus of Control Can Affect Your Life and Success

Have you ever noticed that some people have a “can do” attitude while others constantly make excuses and blame others for their circumstances? Well, that’s considered a locus of control. Some people have an internal locus of control – those are the “can do” people and others have an external locus of control – those are the people who blame others.

What does this mean?

It just refers to the person’s belief of who controls their life. People who have an external locus of control think that they do not have any control over their life or circumstances. They believe that because their parents were poor or crappy that they are destined to also live that life; they can’t change it. Or that a teacher they had wasn’t fair so their grade was bad. It is never anything they have done (or haven’t done) that created their situation.
People who have an internal locus of control believe that they ARE in control of their own life. They know that it doesn’t matter the situation they were born into or if the teacher isn’t fair. They find another way. The go out and look for opportunities or answers the teacher isn’t giving them.
Which type of person do you think will be more successful? The one with an internal locus of control or external? I think the answer to this is pretty obvious.

Can you change your locus of control?

While this may be a hard habit to break, the first step in making your life better requires you to change from an external to an internal locus of control. You have to have the attitude that YOU are in control and there are steps YOU can take to change your situation. Because guess what? YOU CAN! And believe me, once you make this switch – its extremely liberating. You will feel so incredibly powerful!!!

How do you change your locus of control?

Here are some tips for changing from an external to an internal locus of control:

DON’T: Blame your boss for a lack of direction on a project or a task at work (external)
DO: Take it upon yourself to ask more questions and get more clarity if you are unsure. (internal)

Don’t get hung up about making the boss mad by asking questions. Most bosses will appreciate you wanting to make sure you understand the task so you can do it right the first time.

DON’T: Stay in a job you hate, maybe with a horrible boss (one who might be upset with you asking questions)
DO: Start working on your resume and looking for another job

Are you unqualified for the job you want?

DON’T: Blame the education system, or lack of money for college
DO: Start taking the steps necessary to get the qualifications.

Worried you can’t afford to get more education?

DON’T: Blame your financial situation
DO: Invest in yourself. Get student loans, look for grants and scholarships (there are TONS out there – especially if you’re a single mother!).

A simple Google search can offer up lots of grant sites: https://studentaid.gov/understand-aid/types/grants

DON’T: Continue making excuses for everything
DO: Start saying “YES” Start by taking ONE day and try not to complain about anything.

If you catch yourself starting to complain, be aware of it and correct it immediately. If you can do 1 day, then try 2-days and so on! It will change your locus of control and YOUR LIFE!

Why Taking Action Creates Success

Career advice to get ahead!

Are you just existing in your career? Is it stalled? Do you want more than you’re getting out of your job? Is it JUST a job and not a career? I can help!

Know What You Want!

Before you can articulate to anyone about wanting more, to move up, to get ahead, you have to know precisely what you want. If you don’t know or are not specific enough, you can’t expect anyone else to know what you want. So give this some thought, if you haven’t already.

Tell Someone!

You can’t just sit back and expect opportunities to come your way. Sure, some might, and may even be good opportunities. But if you don’t tell someone what you’re looking for in a career the right opportunities for you probably aren’t going to just happen. Don’t be passive. Sitting back and hoping someone of authority sees something in you isn’t going to cut it! Believe me, I learned this the hard way. Some small opportunities happened, but it wasn’t until I actually told someone what I wanted that things started actually happening.

Real Life Example

I asked a coworker who had recently been promoted how he did it and he said “I told them that I wanted to move up, I wanted to be a store manager”. My head exploded!

I was a 20-year old, divorced, high school dropout with a 1-year old and living with my parents. I managed to get a job where my Mom worked answering phones and filing papers. It was my first office job after working as a cashier at a grocery store, at a fast food restaurant, a hostess, a waitress, a hotel front desk clerk and mini golf facilities. I thought I’d hit the jackpot! I quickly moved up to a sales position and even worked on the counter at this highly specialized HVAC wholesale distributor. I learned about motors and air conditioning systems, but I hated it!
Eventually I started making flyers for the company’s promotions and thought maybe I should have a career in computers. So I asked our computer programmer about how he got into programming, did he go to school for it? Did he know that’s what he wanted to do? Well, he needed help, saw that I was interested, and got me moved to the IT department to help him out. I excelled! I was integral in converting the company from green screen terminals to PC’s, getting everyone email addresses, installing RF scanner equipment and eventually started helping my boss with supporting other stores in the CoOp for their programming needs. I wasn’t programming, but I would troubleshoot, gather information, test and create documentation. There were parts of this job I liked, but at the end of the day I decided I like computers when they work. I wasn’t happy being the one people called because they had a problem. Somewhere in-between these two positions I completed a technical certificate program for medical transcription, because my boyfriend at the time said I needed to have a plan. But that didn’t go anywhere. Other opportunities came my way at my current job and that was safe so I stayed. I worked in IT for 8-years. I learned a LOT. But I was sexually harassed by my boss and disliked what I was doing.
At this point I decided to follow my childhood dreams. I always wanted to be a meteorologist! I was in my early 30’s, re-married (to that boyfriend who said I needed a plan) and went to college for the first time. I had gotten my GED at 26 years old. I quickly discovered that meteorology wasn’t going to work for me. But rather than giving up on the dream of an actual career, I just switched my major to marketing after researching that and graphic design. I chose marketing because I could do classes for that online and I had a young child at home so that worked best for me. I started college, taking 2 classes at a time, in 2005. In 2007-2008 the company I was doing software support for changed software and my boss was leaving the company. I had no idea what was going to happen to my job. Thankfully, the company saw enough value in me to keep me around, supporting the new software, but I was working with very little knowledge being new to the software. Luckily, I had participated heavily in converting the data from the old system to the new, which forced me to learn more about the new software than most of the people in the company. So even though it was new and I didn’t know much, I knew more than most.
One day, while traveling to another one of our locations with a co-worker who had recently been promoted to a manager position, I asked him how he got promoted. He had been working in the warehouse prior to that. He said to me “I told them that I wanted to move up, I wanted to be a store manager”. My head exploded! Wait.. you mean all you have to do is TELL them what you want??? How had I not thought about this before? The next opportunity I got, I went to the new VP of Sales and VP of Vendor Management & Marketing and told them I was currently in school for Marketing, I knew that was a big area we were getting into and that I would love an opportunity if something came available. I also made sure they knew that I was already handling the website and was particularly interested in Digital Marketing. Within 2-months I was working in the brand-new marketing department. Within a year I was promoted to Digital Marketing Manager – I remember that day clearly. After my boss left my office, I shut my door and jumped up and down with excitement! I had not even completed college yet. It would take 8 more years for that to happen!

Get Inspired

Yes! I was a dedicated, responsible, smart, hard-worker and that DID get me opportunities, but it wasn’t until I spoke up and told someone what I wanted that my dreams came true. So start thinking about what you want and GO TELL SOMEONE! Good Luck!